Dog strollers, whatever next?

Walking past my local pet shop (which in Spain is always quite a stressful experience as I attempt to avoid seeing the doggies in the window), I spotted what I thought was a child’s pushchair, and which on closer inspection turned out to be a dog stroller. I have to confess I snorted out loud! I am a dog lover, and I’m sure dogs get tired too, but the whole concept takes pampered pooch to another level. It is also just one step away from the Yorkshire terrier in the tartan shopping trolley (I’m not sure whether this concept is known outside of the UK? I’ve tried to find a photo but sadly none seem to exist).

Here is a link for some examples of the options. Some of the dogs even manage to look embarrassed! http://www.justpetstrollers.com/dogstroller.html. I am still sniggering to myself…

Volcano-induced me time…

During the week long plane/volcano “crisis”, we heard countless stories of people desperate to get home, and often with good reason: they were going to miss important family events, had run out of money, were all alone in a strange land with no way of getting home other than by metal bird. In my current place, I can’t think of anything better than being stuck someone with nothing to do other than think my own thoughts and do my own thing. Life with a husband and child is wonderful, enriching, busy, but the thought of being forced to spend time with myself is guiltily appealing.

As this fantasy develops, I debate with myself whether I would want my laptop with me and unlimited internet access, or whether I would prefer not to have any access to this technology. Weighing it up, I would love to be able to see my little one at least once a day on Skype, just to make sure he is coping without me and to see his darling face. But perhaps I would use this enforced volcano-induced me-time (so often craved) to start writing with a pen again… Yesterday I wrote a handwritten letter to a friend. My hand ached, and the result was a scrawl compared to the heady days of winning the school handwriting competition.

As well as writing about whatever happened to come into my mind, I would make the most of every minute of my extended stay, sleeping, eating, just sitting and watching. This used to be one of my favourite hobbies, until the pace of modern life and the need to work, do, socialise, stay in touch, procreate, etc. just caught up with me. If I knew the place where I was stranded well, it would be even better, as I wouldn’t be tempted to run around “doing” the sights, I could just relax and feel at home.

I am certain that after three or four days I would be climbing the walls to get back to my son. And I can think of one serious downside to being stranded without an internet connection: imagine seven days of Facebook posts waiting to be read when I got home…

English language rules, a one-stop shop?

I have just been asked by a (Spanish) client how I know when to use inverted commas, italics, etc. when writing documents in English. She wants a neat one-stop-shop offering an immediate answer to all these concerns. As far as I know, such a thing does not exist in any format, digital or otherwise as everyone has different ideas on the matter (I’m not saying I make it up as I go along but…).

The nearest I could think of off the top of my head was the Times Style Guide (online version).

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/tools_and_services/specials/style_guide/

The book “The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language” seems to be as near as you can get to a grammar bible, but there doesn’t seem to be an online version. And a review I read on Amazon says that: “Although the title may suggest that this is a usage manual or style guide, it is actually a reference work that, in the authors’ words, aims to ‘outline and illustrate the principles that govern the construction of words and sentences…without recommending or condemning particular usage choices.’” (Now is that the right way of writing quotation marks alongside full stops? I’d better order this book NOW…)

It would be good to know if any other writers or translators have any other suggestions for similar resources where we can find all the answers… My client despairs of trying to explain to her clients that the English language seems to have no rules! And as for pronunciation, see my post on Chespir in Love. More on that another time…

Chespir in Love

You will like this link if you speak Spanish and/ or have Spanish friends, and it will also be amusing for those poor devils who have to teach the wretched English language to foreigners.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/25418215/Espanoles-Buscando-en?from_email_04_friend_send=1&emid=6778363

It shows the spellings used by Spanish speakers when doing searches for (mainly English-speaking) stars on Google. Some of them are absolutely priceless, and my particular favourite is “Chespir in Love”. Shakespeare himself couldn’t even decide how to spell his name, but I presume it was always pronounced in the same way. This problem is unheard of in many languages (including Spanish) as the spelling dictates the pronunciation. A couple of names that are missing are Jon Baine and Clin Isbud (say it aloud in a Spanish accent). I always remember a Spanish friend talking about a magazine that she liked to buy; it sounded like she was saying “Bogay”, and eventually I realised she was talking about Vogue…

This proves the impossibly difficult relationship between spelling and sounds in the English language, old news perhaps for English teachers, but if you’d never thought of this before, just think how we pronounce the words “rough”, “bough”, “thorough” and “through”. Four totally difficult ways of pronouncing the letters “-ough”. No wonder teaching English as a foreign language is a multi-zillion pound industry. It’s a marketer’s dream, a language that you think you can learn from a book but never will thanks to its devilishly tricky phonetics. The grammar is relatively simply compared to languages like Spanish, French and German (no lists of endings to learn, no subjunctives to trip you up), but how on earth do you learn how to say it?

Quiet please…

During the years I spent travelling, living and working in many different countries, an indispensable item in my backpack (and now suitcase, now that I have grown up) has always been at least one pair of earplugs (preferably the yellow foam ones). I genuinely don’t know how I would have ever had a good night’s sleep without them (unless I had drunk enough of the local brew to send me into an immediate stupor). Many people say “I wouldn’t be able to sleep using those blasted things” (having never even tried), and then in the same breath complain that the noisy neighbours/ the bar downstairs/ the main road outside the window kept them awake all night. As far as I can see, you have a very simple choice: stay awake and silently fume with impotence, or give the little yellow foam cylinders a go.

I have just moved house, and at first glance the apartment seemed incredibly quiet, too good to be true. Everywhere I have ever lived, there has always been at least one thing guaranteed to disturb the peace. We once moved into a flat where you didn’t hear a sound at night. After having lived on one of the main roads in central Barcelona, we were in seventh heaven… until the downstairs neighbour came home just after midnight. He was a stone deaf, insomniac trash TV addict whose living room was right underneath our bedroom… I can leave you to guess the rest. Grrrrrr! Anyway, our new apartment is on a very quiet street, no dogs barking or howling (another major dread when moving to a new place), but we seem to have a flamenco dancer and her family living upstairs. “Click clack clickety clack” go her stiletto heels at 8 in the morning, and then again at 2am when she gets home from whenever she goes in the evenings. It’s no big deal, just one of the drawbacks of living in an apartment. At least I have my earplugs, whereas my husband says he couldn’t possibly sleep with earplugs in, or without them for that matter…

I thought this would be a good place for a little “plug” (excuse the dreadful pun); try this website if you sleep next to a snorer or have noisy neighbours! www.sleepwellearplugs.co.uk Sleep well…

Couples “at war” on January 25th

Researchers have found that couples are most likely to have a full-on row on January 25th. The article, in the Daily Express, says that “Nine out of 10 couples lose their cool on the Doom Day or the last Monday before pay day, usually on the first of the month, a study from bed maker Silentnight found.” Reasons given were that we are “back at work, it’s a long time till pay day and we’re exhausted because we’re not sleeping properly due to feeling miserable and stressed”. Well, January 25th has passed and I have to say it was a relatively calm day in terms of conjugal felicity. However, our personal situation has changed so much over the last month, having moved 1000 km from Barcelona to Andalusia over the Christmas period, that every day has been a rollercoaster ride of domestic ups and downs. Apparently moving house is one of the most stressful life events that you can possibly experience, and I’d definitely agree with that. Add the financial trauma of getting a mortgage in today’s climate and buying a property and you’ve got a recipe for some serious saucepan-throwing shouting matches (this imagery is just for dramatic effect, of course, that’s not my style). As for “pay day”, being self-employed removes the “waiting for pay day” factor (if only I could guarantee that my clients would pay me promptly on the same day, every month… I wish), which is replaced by that cold feeling of dread as you lie in your (Ikea, sorry Silentnight) bed wondering if they are ever going to pay your invoice (the self-employed are at the bottom of the payments food chain).

And apparently the average number of full-scale spats (compared perhaps to those grumbling, nagging run-ins) per month is usually 8, almost doubling to 14.6 in January. I wonder if the supposed “Brangelina” breakup that was “announced” on the same day could have anything to do with the Doom Day theory? (Perhaps not, what excuse would you have for being stressed if you had a shared wealth of 322 million dollars… obviously waking up next to Brad Pitt every day isn’t as good as we’d all thought girls.)

Torremolinos, a pleasant surprise…

Having lived for seven years in Barcelona, I didn’t really know what to expect when I first visited Torremolinos. I must confess I had imagined little more than concrete tower blocks and beaches packed like sardines. Obviously that is one aspect of the place, no different to many other Spanish holiday resorts in summer, but it proved more than a pleasant surprise to discover a city with more leisure, sporting and cultural activities than you could shake a stick at. The mayor of Torremolinos has said that he wants the city to become the number one tourism destination in Andalusia. There are countless beach resorts if you want little more than sun, sea and sand (as the mayor himself said, if you want that you can go to the Caribbean and never leave your hotel), but if you fancy more variety of activities during your holiday (or your life, if you choose to move here), then Torremolinos is certainly a good choice. The UK market has fallen recently due to the poor sterling/euro exchange rate, but the French and German market is thriving. As in most places, you need to know where to look and choose carefully. For example, eating at a beachfront restaurant is always going to be more expensive than one that is two or three streets back.

The following YouTube video offers an overview of every aspect of life in Torremolinos. It even shows car parks, perhaps not the most exciting of scenes but life isn’t all sun, sea and sangria!

NOT made in China

Leading on from my previous post about Christmas, I started thinking about “present sense” and how I am going to try as hard as I can to avoid buying things that are “Made in China”. An impossible task, you may think, but it is possible. I am trying desperately not to contribute to the onslaught of cheap and tacky Chinese-made goods, and aim to buy things that are made in Europe. At least they have travelled less to get to the shop, and they may be slightly less environmentally harmful due to having been made to last longer and with better, safer materials. I have recently found lovely toys made in Denmark (hoorah for Lego), Germany and England, and the quality is also so much better. My small town in Spain is full of Chinese bazaars, little shops where everything costs virtually nothing but at the same time costs the earth… My son loves them but everything that has ever been bought for him in these shops (by a well-meaning neighbour) ends up breaking within a matter of hours or days.

A friend of mine from Australia, who is an ardent environmentalist and refuses to fly (she aims to leave a zero carbon footprint, admirable stuff; more on her another time), travelled across Asia by bicycle to get to Europe, and told me about the factory towns in China. She said it was like a vision of hell…

So, if you care just a little bit about the environment, take a look at the label and buy carefully. I’m not naive, I know it isn’t a cure for all environmental ills, no single action is, but each small step we all take may contribute to preserving our planet.

Present sense

Christmas is coming, as I keep being reminded, and everybody’s thoughts turn to the frenzy of consumerism that is Christmas shopping… groan. My family and I say it every year, but this year we really are not going to buy lots of “stuff”. I am sure this goes against the government’s wishes, as they want us all to spend our way out of the recession, but I refuse to do it any more. It has nothing to do with being a Scrooge, but is basically good sense. We often spend money we may not have on things other people don’t need. I am all for a carefully chosen gift for a loved one, but do not like feeling obliged to fill the coffers of shops with my hard-earned money to do so. I was brought up to make and value home-made gifts and greetings cards. Unfortunately I really don’t have time to make things like I used to, but I know these gifts and cards are so much more appreciated. I am bringing up my son to make things, and hope he will carry on doing this, although I guess one day this will be seen as seriously uncool! Present buying also has an environmental cost, as people receive unwanted gifts, put them in a drawer for years and they either eventually get put in the bin, or given to someone else who doesn’t want them… All of those precious resources and energy to make novelty socks, soap sets, cheap tacky toys that break in five minutes… I realise that I probably sound a bit “bah humbug” but really the idea is to have “present sense”: think before you buy, and maybe suggest to friends and family that you all go out for a meal together instead, or do a “secret Santa” where each person gets one good “big present” instead of ten “stocking filler” sized (and priced) presents. I know which I would prefer…

The two faces of Facebook

I haven’t been on Facebook for very long but I am now absolutely addicted to it. I am friends with a very random group of people: one of the first guys I ever kissed, a couple of ex-boyfriends, one or two that got away, and a huge selection of people that I have met throughout my life that I never thought I would see again. I see photos of people I have worked with or went to school with, and regularly comment on the lives of friends who aren’t really friends; it makes me feel somehow part of a big network (which is of course the whole point of it, doh!). I still have real friends, obviously, (there are people who say that Facebook destroys real friendships) but I love all the banter with these remote friends dotted around the world. And some of the videos and links are fantastic, far more interesting and/or entertaining than all those daft “office joke” emails, and they don’t block my inbox. I get regular updates from friends who are travelling and doing exciting things, and even get to hear what people had for dinner that night (people, be a bit more imaginative, please!).
There is of course the downside, a “Facebook friend” has just discovered that her man was having an affair with another woman, and she discovered it through his Facebook page. Many years ago, women used to check for lipstick on their husband’s collar, then this morphed into looking at calls made and received on their mobile phone, and now the ultra-modern way of doing this is poring over their Facebook page for the slightest hint of misdemeanour. The chilling side of this is that a man recently murdered his wife when he saw she had changed her Facebook “status” to single. I also feel slightly betrayed when I see photos of friends having fun without me, and wonder why I wasn’t invited! (But I’m not planning homicide!)
And to end on a slightly silly note, has anyone ever tried changing the language setting? Whilst writing this, I have just discovered “English (Upside Down)”! I also like “pirate”, why not give it a go: on your Home page, look at the bottom left, where it will probably say “English”, click on this and select “English (pirate)”. OK, here’s where I “Abandon ship me hearties”!